The Mind of a Slut
by Chocolate 'N Giggles
Summary: One-Shot. You shouldn't have went to that party that night. You shouldn't have let yourself get drunk. You shouldn't have hurt him the way you did. Sandy reflects on her regret for what she did to Soda.


You were the shy girl who sat in the back of the room. You were the one who did what she was told, the moment the command was given. You were the one wrapped up in the tightly packed group of friends and unwilling to let anyone in. You were the one with the average looks and a shut-out personality that drove all the guys away. Not that you cared. You were never a people person and you wanted to push everyone away.

_Slut. Whore. Hoe. Bitch. Worthless. Ugly. Ungrateful. Idiot. Devil. Slut._

He was the golden boy. The one with the movie-star good-looks and the one who drew girls like light drew moths. He was the happy-go-lucky boy who never wore a frown on his face. He was the only greaser a Socs would ever want. He could have had any girl he wanted. He could have had that girl with the watery blue eyes who was goddess gorgeous, or that girl with the paper thin figure that everyone wanted. But he choose you.

_Slut. Whore. Hoe. Bitch. Worthless. Ugly. Ungrateful. Idiot. Devil. Slut._

You could recall the day he first asked you out like if was just yesterday. You can see that beautiful, sun-kissed morning when he asked you if you wanted to see a movie. You said yes even though you've seen it a million times.

_Slut. Whore. Hoe. Bitch. Worthless. Ugly. Ungrateful. Idiot. Devil. Slut._

You walked calmly down the streets with a bright smile on your face, walking casually and comfortably until you got home. Then you shut yourself in your room and screamed into your pillow until your throat began to burn and your knuckles turned white from gripping the pillow.

_Slut. Whore. Hoe. Bitch. Worthless. Ugly. Ungrateful. Idiot. Devil. Slut._

He was so good to you too. He always looked at you like you were the best thing that ever happened to him, even though he was so much better looking that you were. He was always there for you and never hesitated to comfort you. You recall that day when he drove thirty miles to comfort you when you found out your dog got hit by a car. You remember how he was in his DX shirt and hands covered in oil, and you realized he was supposed to be at work. He loved you so much. Every time he kissed you, you could feel how much he need you. You could feel the blood heated in his veins an his heart beating faster and faster. You knew how he felt.

But you betrayed him.

_Slut. Whore. Hoe. Bitch. Worthless. Ugly. Ungrateful. Idiot. Devil. Slut._

It only took a few months in a relationship with him before you got too full of yourself. You were no longer the obedient daughter, the shy girl in the hallways, or the quiet girlfriend. Instead, you strolled down the streets with your head held up high, and a cocky smile plastered over your disgusting face. But he didn't care. He still loved you.

_Slut. Whore. Hoe. Bitch. Worthless. Ugly. Ungrateful. Idiot. Devil. Slut._

One day you let things go too far. He was out of town and you decided you didn't care enough about him to wait. Instead, you went to a bar and let yourself get drunk. Instead of waiting by the phone for him to call, the way he would've, you let yourself go wild. You let yourself dance with other guys, you little whore, you let yourself smash your ugly horrid face against their's and you let them touch you any way they wanted to.

_Slut. Whore. Hoe. Bitch. Worthless. Ugly. Ungrateful. Idiot. Devil. Slut._

He always wanted to take things further in your relationship. You always said no, and that you weren't ready, but you did nothing to stop the new guy. He never pressured you the way the new guy did. He never begged you until you couldn't refuse, he respected you too much to do that. The new guy did respect you at all. He said some things to you that made you feel bad. He said you were ugly. He called you fat. He said you were no better than a hoe on the streets. He said you were lucky to have any guy wanting more. And you gave away. You let things slip right out of your hands, and you never thought once about the consequences. Not until it was too late.

_Slut. Whore. Hoe. Bitch. Worthless. Ugly. Ungrateful. Idiot. Devil. Slut._

He should've been enough for you. You should have been contempt with his love, even if he _was_ the only person who saw your beauty. But no, you just had to have everyone's love, you ungrateful little bitch. You could never be satisfied.

_Slut. Whore. Hoe. Bitch. Worthless. Ugly. Ungrateful. Idiot. Devil. Slut._

You would like to say it was his fault. His fault for pushing you to do what you didn't want to. But that would be a lie. You knew, that somewhere in the back of your mind, you wanted it. You wanted to see what is was like to have millions of guys chasing after you, the way girls chased your boyfriend. You knew what could have come of it, but you never stop to think. You could have ran, you could have cried for help, but you did nothing. _Nothing at all. _You let him take over you. Besides, everything he said about you being hideous was true. One-hundred percent, absolutely true.

_Slut. Whore. Hoe. Bitch. Worthless. Ugly. Ungrateful. Idiot. Devil. Slut._

When you told him the consequences of your night out, he was thrilled. Any other guy would have dropped you on your sore ass on the stop. Any other guy would have ran away before he would have to be involved in the life of a son or daughter, even if it was his. But he was different. He loved you. Sure, he was scared, but he loved you enough to give himself away to marriage at sixteen. His friends said he was too young to be tied down. You knew that too, but you didn't say anything until your parents told you you couldn't marry him. He never cared what his friends though, he cared about you no matter what. You didn't deserve that. You didn't deserve _him._

_Slut. Whore. Hoe. Bitch. Worthless. Ugly. Ungrateful. Idiot. Devil. Slut._

Eventually, you told him it wasn't his. You said it in a brief and blunt letter consisting of two sentences: _It isn't yours. I'm sorry. _You hoped it would drive him away. You hoped it would show him what an worthless, ungrateful slut you were. It didn't work. He still loved you.

_Slut. Whore. Hoe. Bitch. Worthless. Ugly. Ungrateful. Idiot. Devil. Slut._

He sent you so many letters. He sent letters that said he didn't care. He sent letters that said it didn't matter if it wasn't his. He sent letters that said he would marry you anyways. He sent letters that said he'd promise to give my money. He sent you letters that said he'd promise to be a good father to the baby. He sent you letters you didn't deserve.

_Slut. Whore. Hoe. Bitch. Worthless. Ugly. Ungrateful. Idiot. Devil. Slut._

You were such an idiot, you think to yourself. You two could have been the perfect couple. You could have gotten married when you were older and ready. You could have had a child together. You could have started a family with him. He loved you enough to. If only you loved him enough as well.

_Slut. Whore. Hoe. Bitch. Worthless. Ugly. Ungrateful. Idiot. Devil. Slut._

Only a devil would do such a thing, you think to yourself as you pull the box of his letters from under your bed. Only a girl like you would treat a guy like him that way, you think as you ripped the box open. You hate yourself and you know it, as you threw all those letters in the fireplace. You let it burn, you let the flames swallow them up and reduce it to nothing. Just like you did to him.

_Slut. Whore. Hoe. Bitch. Worthless. Ugly. Ungrateful. Idiot. Devil. Slut._

A few days later, you open your mailbox. You see a new letter. You don't burn this one though. You want to write back. You want to say how sorry you were and how you wish it never happen. You want him to know how much you love him, and you wish it was nearly as much as he loved you. You want to explain all that happened and how it could be fixed. But you don't. You have to let him know it's over, you tell yourself as you swap the addresses on the envelope. You have to let him know there is no chance of being together again, you think as you slip the unopened letter back into the mailbox. You almost cry. But you don't, because you know you deserved everything you got. Even if you didn't deserve him.

_Slut. Whore. Hoe. Bitch. Worthless. Ugly. Ungrateful. Idiot. Devil. Slut._

That's what you are you say to yourself as the tears run down your cheeks. He he could only see you right now, he'd be able to see exactly what you were. A slut. A whore. A hoe. A bitch. You were worthless. You are ugly. You were ungrateful for all he did for you. You are an idiot for letting it happen. You are a devil, because no one else would be so cruel. And no matter what happens in the future, even if you somehow redeem yourself, you'll always be a slut.

**I am so sorry Soda.**

**A/N: Good or bad this may be, I did pour a lot of myself into it. I hope you enjoy! =P**


End file.
